Finding Your Focus: How to Identify Goals that Matter To You

You know you want to do something different, but with so many choices how do you know what to focus on? Learning how to identify goals that matter to you can help you grow into the person you want to be.

From Mindful Intention to Committed Action

The moment you decide you are ready to change can be a light bulb moment followed by a surge of motivation to get started. Unfortunately, that fluffy feeling is often followed by intense decision paralysis as you realize the limitless goals you could make for yourself. There are far too many things our brains may tell us that we “should” work on that it all seems a bit too much. It is much easier to stand still than to wade through all of that muck. Learning strategies for simplifying your goal setting can help you get closer to taking action.

Pick Categories

In the first session with a new client we discuss what kind of goals they would like to work on in treatment. Plenty of times people will say something like “everything” or “I don’t even know where to begin.” It can be helpful to think of some simple categories just to get started.

There are plenty of tools out there which can provide some category ideas for you. As an example, the Wheel of Life tool uses categories such as Work, Health, and Relationships with more specific subcategories in each. The ROOTS acronym uses Relationships, Occupation, Ongoing Growth (such as hobbies), Tasks (such as chores), and Self-Care. These can be great. For me personally, I have my own categories of Mind, Body, and Soul. Feel free to mix and match to create your own category list.

Once you decide upon your categories you write them each out and evaluate them on a scale of 0 to 10. A score of 10 means you are fully satisfied with that aspect of your life. Looking at the categories that mean the most to you and those that are the lowest rated may help you figure out what to prioritize first when choosing your next goal.

Mind, Body, and Soul

If you’d like to know more about the categories I reference for myself here’s a brief overview.

• Mind: Uses or feeds my brain

  • Learning new things such as by reading non-fiction

  • Playing games that require problem solving

  • Creating something new like writing or painting

    
    

• Body: Uses or feeds my body

  • Exercising, Stretching

  • Mindful eating/consumption

    
    

• Soul: Thriving - not just Surviving

  • This could be something spiritual/religious related, but it doesn’t have to be.

  • Being outside in nature.

  • Intentional time away from electronics and the noise of modern life

  • Sitting on my porch drinking tea and doing nothing else.

  • Reaching out to a friend

  • Giving my whole attention to my adorable pets

    
    

There are plenty of things that go in multiple categories for me. On different days I might also categorize something differently based on how it fills my cup. For example, going on a hike could benefit all three of these categories for me. Spending time in nature, moving my body, and spending time away from distractions would tick off all my boxes.

Set One SMART Goal per Category. Be Kind to Yourself.

We often get feedback that there must be something wrong with us. Please be kind to yourself and recognize that while you may have room to grow - you cannot grow in all directions all at once and maintain that progress. Attempting to grow too fast will most likely result in burn out if not a complete spin out. Try setting no more than one goal per category at a time.

Here’s an Example:

• Mind: Read a nonfiction book at least one hour each week to learn something new.

• Body: Before getting into bed, spend five minutes doing wind down stretches at least 3 nights a week.

• Soul: Sit on the porch sipping tea without any electronics at least twice each week.

Other category examples might be something like:

• Relationships: Send a check-in text to a friend at least once a week.

• Tasks: Spend fifteen minutes a day decluttering the house before going to bed.

• Occupation: Turn off my work phone as soon as I clock out at least three days this week.

We’re setting behavioral process goals. Not outcome goals. A behavioral goal is something you have control over. An outcome goal is what you’re hoping to achieve. I may want to lose X number of pounds, but in order to do that I need a behavioral goal first such as going for a walk at least twenty minutes a day.

Once a behavioral goal becomes a habit then it doesn’t need to be on your radar as intensely anymore. It’s just become the thing that you do. Then you can create new goals to spend your limited focus on. You can also remember to adapt your goals at any time. Remember this is a playful experiment to improve your life. Develop your own categories and try to have no more than a handful of goals going at any one time.

Check out the article about SMART goals if you need help structuring these goals.

Wrap Up and Review

For those of us who love steps:

1. What categories would you like to use for your own life?

2. Rate each category 0-10 with 10 being Fully Satisfied.

3. Which category needs the most attention right now?

4. Set a SMART goal for the category you want to give your attention to.

5. Try out your new behavioral goal for at least a few weeks. Tweak the goal as needed.

   
   

If you find yourself having trouble setting and meeting goals you may benefit from a service like counseling. A counselor could help you identify the goals that would be most useful to you and help you build the skills you need to meet those goals. Setting and meeting goals takes a whole bunch of skills. If you’d like help learning how to make positive changes in your life, consider reaching out to begin counseling today.