Well That Happened; A Guide for What to Do Next (SEA)

Breaking down what happened, how it felt, and what you are going to do next about it in three steps; Situation, Emotion, Action. Well that happened. Now what are you going to do about it?

Situation

Name the situation. What happened? Be as clear and concise as possible. You could write a novel, but imagine that you have a limited character count or you’re talking to someone with a tiny attention span. Break it down into a bite sized piece. This part is the least important of the three steps. Sure, a Situation sets everything in motion, but because it has already happened you no longer have control over it. Sometimes, you might not even know what the Situation is, but you do know your Emotion.

Situation Example: Your friend made a terrible decision by punching that guy in the face at a bar and you got roped into helping him.

Emotion

Name the emotion. When I use the word emotion here I do not mean that it has to be an emotion vocabulary word. You could name a physical sensation either literally or figuratively. What is going on in your body? It doesn’t have to make any sense to anyone else. See some of my examples below for more ideas.

Emotion Example: You are angry and embarrassed. Your skin is crawling and your chest feels tight.

Action

Name the action you will take in response to your Emotion. Remember, the Situation has already happened and is now in the past. Your current Action is the only thing you have control over in this present moment. If you were behaving like the person you want to be, how would you respond to your current Emotion? The Action step is the most important because it focuses on what you can actually do. Focusing on what you can control will always feel better than focusing on everything that you can’t. An Emotion that isn’t acknowledged tends to bite you later. The Action step helps you attend to the Emotion and get on with living your life.

Action Example: You return to the bar later to sincerely apologize for the owner.

More Examples

The following are some examples of how this might look. Not every Action below is a great idea even for the person who did it. We aren't likely to have mindful and values-guided actions all of the time.

Situation: Your boss just pointed out a mistake you made in front of your peers.

Emotion: You feel irritated and embarrassed.

Action: You acknowledge the error and offer to fix it.

Situation: A giant knocks down your door in the middle of the night and offers you a birthday cake.

Emotion: You feel scared then intrigued and then happy.

Action: You say thank you.

Situation: You’ve just knocked a masked man down a massive hill after he gave a nihilistic speech about pain and love. But then he screamed something familiar.

Emotion: You feel regret about the whole attempted murder thing and intense joy that he is your long-lost love.

Action: You decide it makes sense to throw yourself down the steep hill to catch up to him. (Note: A trained counselor may not recommend you try this for yourself unless armed with sufficient plot armor.)

Situation: You asked your spouse if that outfit makes you look fat and he didn’t answer quickly enough.

Emotion: You feel self-conscious and know you will find anything he says next suspicious.

Action: You decide to swap into another outfit and go on your date night without bringing it up again.

Situation: Your alarm starts blaring.

Emotion: Ugh. Dread. Heavy.

Action: You turn the alarm off and reward yourself for getting out of bed with a warm cup of tea.

Situation: You’ve started noticing the way you try to handle your problems isn’t working.

Emotion: You feel like a spiked iron mace is sitting on your chest.

Action: You decide to check out a counselor’s website to see if you might want to learn some skills for making your life better.

Other Resources

Not sure how to pick an Action step that will get you where you want to go? Check out this article about the Choice Point to get some more ideas.